I have a passion for encouraging people towards personal growth. I’ve often wanted to help those around me by sharing a biblical truth or some interesting fact about how they could improve their life. But often, I know telling that person straight out what to do probably isn’t the best approach. In fact, if I was to tell them what I thought they needed to change, it would surely only make the situation worse. This has often left me feeling helpless, wondering how I could possibly reconcile the disconnect I see between my life and others. This has led me to ask — is there any way we can create change in our schools, homes, or workplaces without just directly telling people what to do?
The wisdom of Proverbs often tells us to hold our tongues in many situations, so what are we supposed to do? Well, I’ve found there is still a way we can invoke change and be a positive influence. And believe me, I’ve learned this the hard way (😬😔). When I’m frustrated with how others are living and am passionate to help them make improvements, the best way may not be to tell them right away what they’re doing wrong or need to do more of. Rather, it is to lead by example in those areas myself, to strengthen those very habits in my own life.
Why this works — We are all imitators
We’ve all probably heard, “Actions speak louder than words.” Well, it’s true, and like all good principles and sound wisdom, it’s rooted in Scripture.
“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
– 1 John 3:18
We are all natural-born imitators, subconsciously adapting to and copying the habits, behaviors, and mindsets of those we spend the most time with. I distinctly remember the first time I herd the following quote:
“You become the average of the five people you hang out with.”
– CEO of Dropbox, Drew Houston,
It made me really think about who I’m letting influence me. What I failed to initially consider though, was that if this is true of me, then it’s also true of every other person I’m around. Which means, I have the potential to have as much influence over them as they have on me. As Proverbs says,
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
– Proverbs 27:17
So, if you want to be an agent of change in your community, focus on sharpening your own sword. That way, when people interact with you, you’ve given them the chance to become sharper, without having to tell them to sharpen up!
You see, I used to see self growth and development as selfish, but now I’ve realized — it’s a way to serve others. You can sharpen your sword by being in God’s word, listening to those wiser than you, and seeking to learn wherever you can. Whether it’s in the way you read your Bible, prioritize your family, work out, eat, or speak to others, your actions can lead to more fruitful conversations. People naturally notice the consistent things you do and what you prioritize every day. So, let your priorities and the way you live be a reason for people to ask, “why?” As author Leonard E. Read says,
“Our job, as we now see it, is to concentrate on improving our own understanding and practice of freedom, with faith that others will be attracted precisely to the extent that we are able to show self improvement.”
– Leonard E. Read
If someone sees you consistently doing a certain habit and all the benefits that it brings you, they’ll be more likely to want to make similar changes in their lives without you needing to tell them to. Some of the most life-giving changes I’ve made in my life have stemmed from seeing the positive results, whether online or in person, that others have experienced. I knew I needed to read my Bible regularly if I wanted to grow. Yet it took seeing mature Christians who I respected and looked up to, taking time daily to connect with God, to encourage me to do the same. Let’s be honest, it would be pretty demotivating to have devotions every morning if most of the people who did were miserable, and struggling to grow in any way, right?
This reminded me of a commercial I recently saw selling an anti-aging cream. What did they do to market it? They showed before and after pictures of people who had tried it. I’m not sure if they were very impressive before and after pictures, or if I would actually buy it (not that I need to 😉), but you get the point — our lives can be the before and after pictures. As Jesus says,
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”.
– Mathew 5:16
The danger of being a hypocrite
I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time listening to someone who tends to be hypocritical. If you’re telling someone to improve in a certain area, you can’t expect them to be motivated to do so, if you’re not also working on that area yourself. For example, there may have been a 100 positive benefits to reading my Bible every day, but the chances of me being motivated to do so would have been very low if I felt like it wasn’t worth it and if no one else was doing it. So, if I’m not careful, my failure to practice what I preach can send the message I don’t think what I’m talking about is truly worth it.
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Mathew 7:5
For example, if you’re complaining that a friend is not being as understanding as they could be, you may need to think about how you could be more understanding towards them. You may not realize it at first, but over time, doing so consistently will give them a subtle but direct example of what to do.
Failure is just another opportunity to point others to Jesus
Thankfully though, any degree of change in others or in us…isn’t up to us. We don’t have to make sure the before and after pictures are “good enough”. As we abide in Christ, he creates the change that can lead people to ask “why”. After all, it is grace that changes us and spurs us on to true life-giving change.
I know this article may sound like a call to just work harder to be a better person. Even in general, it can feel like we always have to be the perfect example in all these areas. But we don’t. We don’t, because when we mess up, we can always point others to Jesus, who is the perfect example when we are not. No one wants other people to see them fall. But allowing others to see how we deal with our moments of failure can actually be a positive thing. By having grace for ourselves and going humbly to God and others for forgiveness, our moments of failure can be opportunity’s to point others to the sufficiency and grace of Jesus.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”
– 1 Corinthians 15:10
At the end of the day, it is his grace in all of our lives that has the power for growth and transformation. So, when it seems like that “certain someone” will never change their stubbornness, or “that” friend could never grow to enjoy the same thing you do, pray that God would change their hearts in the ways you can’t, and consider how you could strengthen those areas in your own life. Because Jesus set the ultimate example for us and fills us with his Spirit and grace, we can sharpen our swords and shape those around us by our own example.
Photo cred: Pinterest
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